Things I Learned While Watching Forensic Files

Melissa and I have enjoyed the show Forensic Files for many years. It's sort of a guilty pleasure, and when there's a Forensic Files marathon on (which seems to happen a lot) we'll leave it on late at night and fall asleep to the awesome narrator Peter Thomas's voice. His delivery and tone is a perfect match for the show.

After watching so many episodes of the show, I've learned a number of things not to do while trying to get away with murder.

1. Don't plan out a murder on your personal computer and then label that file "The Plan."

2. Don't claim innocence while sitting in jail and planning a hit on the case's prosecutor.

3. Don't pull up a lawn chair and sit with a cooler of beer while watching the forensic team comb through your house containing your recently murdered wife.

"Just try and prove it, coppers!"

4. Don't misspell words in a ransom note and then give police a writing sample with those same words misspelled.

5. Don't immediately sanitize your house right after the police take the body away and claim that the place was simply due a cleaning.

6. Similar to #5, getting your car detailed immediately after reporting your spouse/significant other missing is not recommended.

Bleed, rinse, repeat.

7. Don't use the victim's bank or credit card at an ATM machine while grinning evilly at that same machine's security camera.

8. When your spouse or significant other or other victim washes up on shore, don't offer up an alibi of being out on that same lake fishing.

And last, but not least:

9. Probably just don't murder anyone.

"Not even the cat?"

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