Follow these simple instructions to get the most enjoyment out of this recent addition to your family.
Housing: Keep your writer warm and dry. Change its bedding often as writers tend to slough off dreams of fame the older they get.
Food: Make sure your writer has plenty to eat, as well as a daily multivitamin. If left to its own devices, it may try to consist on nothing but coffee and Pop Tarts. If your writer becomes jittery, assume it's doing this secretively and correct its behavior with a rolled-up newspaper or the promise of a writers' conference.
Exercise: Make sure to take your writer on daily walks. It may grumble about this, but assure your writer it's for the best. Bring along treats to entice it, and don't forget a few plastic bags to pick up any unnecessary adverbs it leaves behind.
Follow this simple advice and your writer will provide years of companionship and detached bemusement.
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