Sunday, April 26, 2015

Writing and Me - A Dramatization

Me - 'Time to get some writing done.'

Writing -  'Can't we do it later?'

Me - 'We've procrastinated long enough. Come on - let's get going.'

Writing - 'Isn't there a Forensic Files marathon on?'

Me - 'That can wait.'

Writing - 'You haven't checked out YouTube for a few hours. What about that?'

Me - 'Stop it. Get over here.'

Writing - 'What about email? Facebook? Twitter? When was the last time you jerked off?'

Me - 'Now that was uncalled for.'

Writing - 'But it's so hard to get me started.'

Me - 'But remember how good it feels once I do get you started?'

Writing - 'We're still talking about writing, right?'

Me - 'Get off your ass! Now!'

Writing - 'Settle down. Geez.'

Me - 'I'm waiting.'

Writing - 'You know I can block you if I want.'

Me - 'Not today you won't.'

Writing - 'Wanna bet?'
Me and Writing lunge at each other and grapple on the floor.
Me - 'I'll rip out your adjectives!'

Writing - 'You don't have the chops.'

Me - 'Stop struggling!'

Writing - 'You're the one struggling.'
Writing kicks Me in the nuts, and Me strikes back at Writing's run-ons.
Writing writhes on the paper as Me takes a huge bite out of Writing. Writing bleeds unnecessary dialog all over.
Writing - 'Okay - okay...I give. I give.'
Me and Writing calm down. Me and Writing reluctantly start working together - slowly at first, then faster and faster. Writing and Me soon remember why they are together. They work for hours. Finally, spent and exhausted, they call it a day. They stare at each other wistfully. Finally, Me looks away, embarassed.
Me - 'I'm sorry for that whole biting thing.'
Writing starts to walk away, then looks back over its shoulder.
Writing - 'That's okay. I'm screwing your wife.'

Me - 'What?'

Writing - 'Never mind.'

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